Reality snapped back into place around us, and we all landed in a heap on top of each other.

“You know that shouldn't be possible,” Ethan complained as he picked himself up, “right?”

“What shouldn't?” I asked. He extended his hand, and I reached out to take it, only for him to Jade to her feet and leave me lying on the cold, hard pavement.

“We were falling when the Escher Cube warped us out of Lobstropolis,” he answered. “And we were still falling when we appeared here.”

“So?” I snapped, getting to my feet all by my lonely self.

“So, if we never stopped falling, then the momentum of our fall never went away, which means that we still should have died even though we landed in a different dimension!”

I paused, looking at him with an eyebrow raised.

“What?” he asked.

I shook my head. “You are such a nerd.”

“You should be glad he thinks about things like that,” Jade said. She took his hand, their fingers intertwining, and I looked away sharply before they could see my cheeks turning blue. “If you keep leaping into every situation without looking, there’s no telling where you’ll eventually land.”

“Speaking of which,” Ethan added, looking around, “where did you bring us?”

We were in an alleyway, but the buildings that surrounded us were too small to still be in Lobstropolis, where every skyscraper reached for the stars like giant lobster claws determined to pinch the sun. The sound of music drifted over to us from somewhere nearby, and I followed its toe-tapping trail to lead Ethan and Jade out into the streets of Mauldibamm.

I stepped out into the city's vibrant atmosphere, and sighed quietly in relief when I felt some of the tension in my chest unknot itself. This was the klaon capital, a place built just for people like me. Strings of colored lights made intricate, flowing webs between the buildings, like laughter carried on a breeze. Store windows advertised things like Aunt Archibald's Heat Seeking Pies, luxury giant shoes that got eighty miles per gallon, and the newest N.O.S.E. model that came preloaded with camel, moose, and capybara settings. At an intersection a little ways off, a parade of klaons dressed as bananas were goose-stepping down the road for no other reason than because they could.

I loved this place.

“And what exactly are we doing here?” Ethan asked.

“I'm going to do something I should have done months ago.”

“Right. Because that isn't ominous at all.”

I turned and set off toward the center of town. In the distance stood a hill tall enough to look out over all of Mauldibamm, and on top of that was a huge circular building with a conical roof that had been painted with red and white stripes to look like a circus cent. That was the Grand Lark, where the Council of Shnoob met every day to think of new and interesting ways to boss me around. They were also in charge of running Mauldibamm and governing the klaon population that was spread out across the various, infinite dimensions, but trust me, most of their energy was dedicated to bossing me around.

“Henry,” Jade said, following after me, “talk to us!”

“All of my problems are being caused by two people: Ichabod Hench, and Legion,” I finally answered. “Ichabod is building laughter farms where he uses mind control to force people to laugh themselves to death. One day, that moldy meatloaf’s mind control spell goes haywire, and creates Legion. Now Legion is royally cheesed off with my entire race and won't stop until—”

“Yeah, we know all of that already,” Ethan interrupted me. “But that doesn't explain why you brought us here.”

We reached the top of the hill, and I paused. We were in the Grand Lark's rear parking lot, where the councilmembers who lived in Mauldibamm parked their cars. The biggest one was Ichabod's, a Humvee about as big as a Volkswagen Beetle. Compared to the cars parked beside it, though, it practically was the size of a Humvee. Ichabod was a firm believer in Bigger Is Better, and he never passed up an opportunity to prove it. Each car contained its own pocket dimension, making them as spacious as a bus on the inside, while only needing a tenth of the gas that a normal car would have needed.

“Isn't it obvious?” I asked. “I'm going to end this.”

Ethan and Jade fell silent, sharing a worried look. I ignored them, focusing on the Grand Lark. Ichabod and Legion were both in there. Ichabod was representative for the Reds on the council, and Legion was possessing Victoria Verde, representative for the Greens. Just thinking about it made my hands itch to draw Splatsy. I resisted, though. As satisfying as it would be to turn their heads two dimensional, it wouldn't actually solve any of my problems. If I wanted to do this, I would need a plan with a little more bang than that.

“And how exactly are you planning to do that?” Ethan asked nervously.

“With this!”

Reaching under my shirt, I pulled out a thin red tube. It was about a foot long, a little thicker than my thumb, and had a long black string coming out of one end.

“Henry!” Jade exclaimed with a horrified gasp. “Tell me that isn't what I think it is!”

“It most certainly is!” I declared. “Barnaby McBoomboom’s Time Stopper Party Popper! Guaranteed to stop time around you for up to thirty minutes so the party will never end!”

Ethan and Jade both sighed in relief.

“What?” I asked. “What did you think it was?"

“Never mind,” Ethan said in that don't-give-her-any-ideas tone he occasionally used on a daily basis. “Henry, how is a party trick going to solve anything?”

“Through the power of creative thinking!” I pointed the popper at the back door, then turned around to face Ethan and Jade again. “At exactly eight o’clock-ish tonight, Legion will walk out through that door, and I'll be waiting here to hit him right between the eyes with the highest quality prank my allowance can buy.”

“And what is that going to do, besides make him mad?” Jade asked.

I rolled my eyes. “Obviously, if I can take him by surprise, anything that lunatic says is practically going to be a confession! And in the end, what we both want is to shut down the laughter farms. Once the jig is up, do you really think he won’t take the opportunity to slam the door of justice on Ichabod’s guilty red fingers?”

Ethan squinted at me. “None of what you just said made any sense at all.”

“On the contrary, my dear Watson,” I countered, poking him in the nose and making him slap my hand away, “it makes all of the sense!”

“You think that after all the work he’s done, he’s just going to come clean? Doesn’t that seem a little too, you know, easy?”

“I don’t intend to give him the choice,” I insisted. “You guys have to understand by now that I’m the only one taking this seriously! If I leave it for the council to take care of, who knows how many more people will die before they act? If they ever act?”

Ethan held up a hand. “Henry—”

“But nothing!” I cut him off. “I’m ending this today!”

“Henry!”

“Don't interrupt me! If you two are too scared to help, then you can go hide behind those bushes and…do whatever mushy stuff boyfriends and girlfriends do.”

“HENRY!”

I glared at him. “WHAT?”

“Turn around!”

I blinked, and then my eyes widened when I realized neither him nor Jade were looking at me.

So I turned around.

“Hello, granddaughter,” said Grandpa Teddy, a look of supreme disappointment on his face. “And what might you be up to this fine evening?”

My eye twitched, and I forced my mouth into a rictus grin. “Oh, you know, it's such a fine evening that Ethan, Jade, and I decided to come up here and enjoy the view.”

“And what is—”

“I mean, isn't Mauldibamm beautiful when the sun sets?” I turned around and looked out across the city. “We decided to come up here, since it's the best view in town!”

What was he doing here? I snuck a glance at my watch, but it was only seven fifteen. The Council of Shnoob shouldn't have adjourned for another forty five minutes!

“What's that in your—”

“Because that's what we like doing!” Sweat was pouring down my brow now. “Appreciating the beauty of the natural world, living our very best lives, right here in the moment without a single cell phone in sight! You know, things old people like you enjoy!”

“Henry, what are you holding—”

“Anyway, what are you doing out here, Grandpa Teddy?” I asked, spinning back around to face him. “Did the council decide to close early today? Are you finally cashing in some well-earned PTO? Is Le…I mean, Victoria going to be out soon?”

But Grandpa Teddy was sharper than he looked, and he managed to see through the masterful web of lies I had spun. “I'm here because someone reported three suspicious figures lurking around the back entrance of the Grand Lark. Now, what is—”

I grinned at him. “And you decided to come and check it out yourself instead of leaving it to Ombo and Clombo? Way to take initiative, Grandpa T! Up high!”

I raised my hand for a high five—and the party popper fell out of it and rolled to a stop at his feet. He looked down at it, and then back up at me.

“Come on,” I said, my voice weirdly high pitched. “Don't leave me hanging here!”

He left me hanging and picked up the party popper.

“Care to explain what this is, Henry?” he asked.

“A bomb.”

Behind me, I heard Ethan slap his forehead.

Grandpa Teddy’s expression darkened. “This isn’t a joke, Henry. Do you have any idea what this is?”

I sighed. “It’s just a prank, Grandpa!”

“A prank that you were planning to weaponize against a member of the Council of Shnoob!”

“No, not against the council!” I argued, my face turning blue as the same argument we’d had a hundred times before began yet again. “I was only going to use it against—”

“Stop!” Grandpa Teddy held up his hand and closed his eyes. Suddenly, he looked about eighty years older, and very, very tired. “Just stop. Please.”

A pit formed in my stomach. “Grandpa…”

He shook his head. “You’ve gone too far this time, Henry. You’ve always had a penchant for causing trouble, but this? Threatening the council? Do you have any idea what would have happened if anyone besides me had caught you out here?”

Looking at him, all stern-faced and disapproving, I felt ten months’ worth of anger and frustration bubbling up inside me, and…

“If anyone else had found me,” I blurted out before I could stop myself, “then maybe they would freaking listen to me, unlike my grandpa who’s apparently decided I can’t do a single thing right!”

He blinked in surprise, and I spun around and stalked away before he could recover.

“Henry!” he called after me.

I ignored him and kept walking. I had no idea where I was going, but I wasn’t going to just stand here and let him scold me for being the only person in this city who was trying to stop the world from ending.

“Henry,” Jade said, reaching a hand toward me. “Don’t—”

“Henry, you can’t walk away from this!” Grandpa Teddy barked.

A flash of light came from behind me, and I felt a jolt of energy shot through my body. I froze, my muscles seizing up until I was roughly as mobile as a statue with really bad arthritis.

A chill went down my spine. Had Grandpa Teddy just used magic…against me?

I couldn’t turn to look, but the tapping of his cane told me he was coming closer. A moment later, he circled around me, the disappointment as thick as, well, clown makeup on his face.

“You have no idea how much I hoped that it wouldn’t come to this,” he said, shaking his head sadly. “But it’s become abundantly clear that I simply can’t trust you anymore, granddaughter.”

“What are you going to do?” I asked, a twinge of actual fear stirring in my stomach. Although, to be fair, it came out more like, “Wrrgh rrr mmmggnndr?”

As a testament to just how well he knew me, Grandpa Teddy understood exactly what I had said.

“I’m going,” he said, reaching into my pocket and pulling out the Escher Cube, “to talk to your parents.”

​​

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NEXT CHAPTER: 7/26/2025

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